All I Ever Wanted Was Everything

Nestled in the green bosom of the Austrian Alps, 

I missed the warm pacifying waters of the Indian Ocean. 

As I watched Russians in leather 

spanked in the underground of Ibiza,

I thought about my flight to Germany in four hours. 

In a tent in the Nevadan desert, 

I fell asleep in my lovers arms. 

I was taken into a lucid dream 

about another man we met dancing that night. 

Now is always sacrificed for next. 

Another country, 

another lover, 

another experience.

I fly first class to Singapore and digest caviar. 

I take a chicken bus through Guatemala 

with smelling men and wailing babies.

I watch zebras roam the fields of the Eastern Cape. 

I stand above the concrete Amazonia of midtown Manhattan. 

I take a new path to an old place. 

Dissatisfaction greets me once again.

This is the masochism of more. 

The wounding of wanting. 

The outsourcing of satisfaction. 

Happiness is a doorway that remains closed, 

I’m unsure what lives on the other side.